A little something from me to you... 

I've been thinking a lot about leadership recently. About how much courage it takes to lead yourself, to lead your children and your family.

Last week as I was writing this update on parental leadership, I was speaking to a Dutch friend who works for the Ministry of Defence. It seems unlikely to say this, and yet he told me that he had been at a Ministry leadership conference about inner peace the same day I wrote this newsletter. It seemed like more than a coincidence. He and his colleagues were discussing and learning about non-violent communication, and more importantly about being at peace both within themselves as individuals, and with each other within the organisation. I was really blown away to hear this - wouldn't you normally think of a government organisation as an authoritarian top down institution? And yet he explained how the leadership was being devolved and they were exploring models for allowing all individuals to step into an interwoven leadership simultaneously , so that each person could contribute their strengths, as and when required.

I was very excited to hear this - I am always looking for signs in the world that things are ripe for change. How much more inspiring than in a government ministry for war? It supports my own passion of creating transformation in parenting which is where I feel there is most potential for creating lasting global change. Have you ever reflected on your power and potential to create global change by the way you parent? I think about it a lot. 

It’s a fairly common view that parenting is all about leading. Whilst you might think it’s about leading and setting an example for your children, there are two other equaly important aspects. The first is leading yourself, and the second is to step back and allow space for others to learn lead themselves.

So to start with, just as a company’s success and influence is determined by the quality of leadership, so your parenting is determined by how you are showing up. It may sound obvious. And it is. Yet when we ask ourselves why are children are having particular issues, we often forget to ask ourselves how we are contributing to them. Right from birth a child’s brain is forming by imitation. Children learn how and who to be partly by copying movement patterns, posture, speech, facial expression and emotional patterns. Their brains literally imitate what is going on in the parent’s minds and emotions by a kind of empathetic resonance.

Yet the other half of the story is that children partly become themselves by expressing what is already innately in them from birth. And this is the even more difficult task of parenting – harder than presenting a coherent example. To step back and allow space for exploration and self-discovery. So the biggest challenge of parenting in a way is to balance leading by example with allowing space for self-expression, and supporting that unique essence that each child embodies. I hope you find some ideas to inspire you in the following article.

Top 10: Ways to Lead your Child by Example

by Mira Watson 

Good leaders mainly lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. It's all about the inner work and self-responsibility. When parents say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of good relationship. And since Highly Sensitive Children pick up any differences between what a parent says and feels or does so acutely, it really confuses them. Here are 10 of the dozens of ways to lead by example that may inspire you to give your children confidence and clarity.

1. Take responsibility. Blame costs you your credibility, keeps family members on the defensive and ultimately creates deep hurt and mistrust. If you often lose it and don't know how to keep your cool, you might enjoy this free resource.  

2. Be truthful. Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy by saying how you feel when xyz happened. And what you would like to be different next time. Highly Senstive Children thrive on honestly and total transparency. They will respect and love you for it. Practise saying yes to the child but no to their request if you need to say no - there are so many ways of communicating the same thing and some of them create connection whilst others break it. 

3. Be courageous. Walk through fire (a crisis) first. Say the difficult things kindly. Take calculated risks that demonstrate commitment to doing what's best for everyone.

4. Acknowledge failure. It makes it OK for your children to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary. When you make a mistake that upsets a child, make a sincere, simple apology and move on. This will strengthen and deepen your relationship.

5. Be persistent. If there's something in your family or your child's development that seems really important to you, try, try again. By applying your stubborness in this way you demonstrate to your child that they can do impossible things if they don't give up. And that their well-being really matters to you.

6. Create solutions. Don’t dwell on problems; instead, be the first to offer solutions and then ask your children for more. Once they get the hang of it they will start coming up with ideas spontaneously to improve things which is so much fun.

7. Listen. Really listen deeply. Observe your child. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

8. Share out the tasks in your home. Encourage the children to take part in daily activities like cooking, cleaning and organising. It creates an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths and learn basic skills that young adults often dont have nowadays.

9. Take care of yourself. This should probably be number one for parents. Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced parent, mentally and physically, makes a healthy happy child. If you don't put yourself first, they actually won't have an effective parent. So figure out what you need in terms of self-care so you can be calm and present with them.

10. Roll up your sleeves. Help with the homework. And the cooking. And the emotional care-taking - whether you are the mother or father - you're the only and best person they have to help them get connected on the inside and learn about who they are. Give it a go!

Conclusion

As parents, we are our children's leaders, and it's a huge and sometimes daunting task that comes often with a lot of worry and guilt about having got it wrong. However, there's no point in looking to the outside for answers because in a unique parent-child relationship there is no external guidance available. I have spent thirty years understanding how to convey to parents that it has to come from within you, in relationship to the child in front of you and how they respond to you. Learning to lead both yourself and your child is one of the greatest gifts of parenting. By showing up for yourself you become more fully available to them as a source of physical and emotional safety, brain growth, mental stimulation, and development of their unique sense of self. My passion is to share the hows and whys with receptive parents all over the world so that their children can grow up thriving with strong self-connection and self-esteem. If this sounds interesting, or you found some of the points above inspiring but don't quite know how you would get started, please book a complimentary call here to help you get clear on your challenges and intentions. I would love to connect with you.

COOL RESOURCE

There are two books I love on this topic:

UPCOMING EVENTS

I have one opening that's just become available for one-on-one work with a parent who wants to get started on their transformation before Christmas.

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